Onimusha: The Stupid Lords?
by ShadowWarrior6
Summary: Wow, this looks like the first story about Omnimusha and it's a blooper! This is parody on Omnimusha Warlords, with some humorous situations, so enjoy
1. The fun beggins!

Shadow Warrior May 28, 2004  
  
Omnimusha, the Stupid Lords!  
  
Ok everybody, I got that idea long time ago and I think this will be my first blooper and no, it's not about Tenchu! It's about Omnimusha!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Omnimusha, but I might put some random characters there from my other stories like Ioshi, Jisaku and Bron.  
  
Chapter One: The Fun Begins  
  
Scene: Opening movie of the game soldier is Nobunaga's troops are coming and soldier is sweating.  
  
Soldier: "Oh god, it's so hot here, I knew I shouldn't put that armor on!"  
  
Ioshi: "Hey, according to the script, you didn't suppose to say anything!"  
  
Soldier: "And what do you know? Who are you anyways and what are you doing here?"  
  
Ioshi: "Talk latter, Nobunaga's troops are coming!"  
  
Soldier: "What? Where?"  
  
Ioshi: "Look into the grass you fool!"  
  
Soldier: "Oh st! You shall not pass through me!" draws sword   
  
Ioshi: "Ahem, you shouldn't say or do anything according to the script! Just stay and sweat."  
  
Soldier: "Screw the script!" gets shot by an arrow  
  
Ioshi: "that certainly not in the script."  
  
Scene: The skull is lying on the ground and Nobunaga smashes it by riding over it on the horse on his way to meet his troops.  
  
Nobunaga: "Damn it! Who'd put that rotten skull here? I nearly fell of my horse because of it!"  
  
Jisaku: "Excuse me, Nobunaga-sama, but those are not your lines."  
  
Nobunaga: "Don't you think I know my lines? I'm Oda Nobunaga, the great war lord and unifier of Japan!"  
  
Jisaku: "Yeah, Yeah, just say your lines."  
  
Nobunaga: "Fellows, kill the men and take the women!"  
  
Troops: excitedly "Yay!"  
  
Jisaku: . "That's not what you suppose to say, read the script carefully!"  
  
Nobunaga: takes the script and reads it "Oh ok, sorry that suppose to be this. Fellows, it is time to die with honor!"  
  
Troops: sadly "Ooh!"  
  
Nobunaga: "I know I hate my lines too."  
  
Scene: Samanosuke watches as Nobunaga's troops are coming from the top of the hill.  
  
Samanosuke: "There's too many of them, I think we should flee at once!"  
  
Bron: "First of all, those aren't your lines and second, your forces are far more numerous then Nobunaga's!"  
  
Samanosuke: "Oh right, I remember what I have to say now. Here's come the enemy."  
  
Bron: "Good, you got it right this time, now watch out for that spear!"  
  
Samanosuke: "What spear? Gets hit by a shaft of the spear Hey, watch it! You could poke my eye out with that! Tries to jerk the spear out of enemy soldier's hands, but can't Lets go of it!"  
  
Soldier: "Never!"  
  
Samanosuke: Hits him hard in you know what area "I asked you nicely."  
  
Soldier: Lets go of spear and bending from the pain O.O "I knew I should protected that area with armor..." faints  
  
Samanosuke: kills all enemies around him   
  
Scene: Nobunaga's war camp, the messenger with paper flags that look like feathers behind his back arrives.  
  
Messenger: "My Lord..."  
  
Nobunaga: Laughs   
  
Messenger: "What is it my Lord?"  
  
Nobunaga: "Oh, nothing, it's just that those things behind your back are really killing me..." continues laughing  
  
Messenger: -.- Sighs  
  
Nobunaga: "What is it anyways?" still laughing a little  
  
Messenger: "We had claimed Yoshimoto's head!"  
  
Nobunaga: "So, should I congratulate you on this?"  
  
Ioshi: "Excuse me, but you have to celebrate here."  
  
Nobunaga: "Oh joy! Hey you, bring some sake for me and this Sir, we should celebrate our victory!"  
  
Ioshi: "According to the script, you have to stand up and laugh."  
  
Nobunaga: "Are you crazy? I will risk getting hit by an arrow!"  
  
Ioshi: "Just do it yourself, or I'll slit your belly with my kattana right here!"  
  
Nobunaga: "Alright already, no need to get mean..." stands up and laughing, the arrow penetrates his neck and he falls dead  
  
Scene: Samanosuke riding towards Inabayama castle to rescue princess Yuki.  
  
Samanosuke: "Oh, why did I drank so much sake last night! Not only my had hurts now, but I woke up so late, I don't know weather I'll make it in time to see Yuki still in the bed..." gets hit by a fan "...ouch, who is this?"  
  
Jisaku: riding along him on the horse with a big fan in her hand " Pervert! Hurry up you fool, the demons are coming for Yuki!"  
  
Samanosuke: "Don't make me laugh, there are no such things as demons and I bet that she just making things looks bigger then they really are. So what if some servants disappeared, maybe they needed to go out for a while, there's no need to go crazy on that and her brother's probably right."  
  
Jisaku: "Oh yeah, then why you're in such a hurry samurai boy?"  
  
Samanosuke: "Do you really have to ask?"  
  
Jisaku: "Oh, you just a pervert!" smacks him again  
  
Scene: Near the castle the guards are in front of the gates.  
  
Guards: "Stop!"  
  
Samanosuke: "Out of my way, you idiots!" kills both of them  
  
Bron: "You didn't have to kill them, they're on your side. Plus, it's against the script!"  
  
Samanosuke: "You know what? Go pee on that script!"  
  
Bron: "Oh, ok, I actually wanted to go for a while now."  
  
Samanosuke: Stops with his jaw drop to the floor, then remembers "Princess Yuki! I'm coming, just don't get out of bed for little longer!"  
  
Scene: In the castle, Princess Yuki is writing a latter and Blade Demons are coming for her, while Samanosuke running through the castle. When he comes, she's no longer in there.  
  
Samanosuke: "Crap, she went out already and I wanted to see her in her night gown!" gets hit again "Hey, stop sneaking up on me like that! You don't even suppose to be here!"  
  
Kaede: "Oh, is that so! Well, then I suppose I should assassinate you ad my clan told me to do long time ago! I can't believe that I trusted you!"  
  
Samanosuke: "Oh, so sorry, I thought it was that other girl."  
  
Kaede: "What other girl? I knew you were pervert, but I never realized how perverted you are!"  
  
Samanosuke: "No, you got that all wrong..."  
  
Ioshi: "Ok team, it's time for some R&R before a big battle, so relax a bit and stop fighting."  
  
Samanosuke: "What battle?" sees Nobunaga's troops with him at the head coming. Nobunaga's eyes glows blue and his face is blue "Meep! How did that happened?"  
  
Jisaku: "Oh, he got revived by some demon scientist and now came for Yuki's head."  
  
Samanosuke: "Not if I can help it!" draws kattana   
  
Bron: "Stop, you should rest now. You'll get plenty of chances nailing him in next chapter!"  
  
This is it for the first chapter and the next will come when I'll have some ideas. 


	2. The fun continues or beggining of chaos!

Shadow WarriorNovember 11, 2004

Onimusha: The Stupid Lords!

Chapter two: The real fun or the Chaos begins!

Disclaimer: I do not own Onimusha in fact, CAPCOM has the copyrights. I only own my NP characters that I'm basing on some of my friends.

Samanosuke: Well it's about time you showed up SW!

Kaede: Shut up you pervert! You just upset that you couldn't put your dirty hands on Princess Yuki!

Samanosuke: That is not true!

Kaede: Oh yes it is!

Jess: Quit arguing you two! And Samanosuke, it's not the way how you speak with an author. He have a power over all of you people here, got that?

Bron: Erm...Jess, I think you're scarring them by this speech, and besides Shadow Warrior have something to say.

Everyone turns towards author

Shadow Warrior: Now that I got your attention, I would like to introduce a new member of our crew...Everybody, meet Mitty!

Everyone's attention captured a girl with brown hair and green eyes who was holding some kind of a little, fury pet animal who looked like gerbil.

Mitty: Hello, how are you all...Umm...Yeah, I'm also from fan fiction and I know the author from other forums and I gave him a permission to put me into any of his stories...-Mitty had a sweat drop falling off her had-

SW: Ok everyone, enough fooling around, we got deadlines to meet and where is the script?

Bron: Oh here it is –hand over a wet script-

SW: Ok, what happened to it?

Bron: I peed on it...-scratching head-

SW: What? I don't want to hear any explanations now. You'll tell me what happened latter. We need a new script, so Mitty, could you get it please?

-She nods and runs to get a script-

Ok, everyone to your positions. We will start from the scene in the Princess Yuki's residence as Samanosuke gets in there and Kaede stands besides him. Ioshi, you will replace me as a head director for this movie, others will help you, so get at there and act!

-Princess Yuki's Residence-

Samanosuke running into the empty room and sees an oil lamp turned over and burned moth moving in the death agony on the floor. He closes his eyes and grips the handle of his sword along with a letter from Yuki. Suddenly, Kaede comes in...

Kaede: "Samanosuke?"

Samanosuke: "I will rape Princess Yuki!"- He gets a kunai thrown in his butt and nearly escaped Kaede's knife-

Kaede: "Even if we don't have our script, doesn't mean that you can act perverted like there's no tomorrow! I know who's behind that thing with a script and you don't want the author to find that out, so say your real lines already!"

Samanosuke: "Ok, ok no need to be so mean....I will save Princess Yuki!"

Kaede: "Good, now let's move on!"

They found themselves walking through numerous halls of Princess Yuki's residence, leading by a guard. The guard walking dizzily and is obviously injured.

Samanosuke: "Did the monsters attack you?"

Guard: "No, you attacked me you baka...I mean, this way sir."

The guard leads Samanosuke and Kaede out of the building and into the place called Nanamagari. To the north of it there was a trail in the woods and to the East of it a road behind a fence and a gate.

Guard: "If Princess is still on the castle's grounds, she would probably be in the Keep. Now there is two ways to get there. The northern one trough those woods or east one beyond that gate."

Kaede: "I will take the eastern route."

Samanosuke: "Why do you always get to choose first?"

Kaede: "Because I'm a girl?"- that said, she runs in a ninja way in the general direction of the eastern route and Samanosuke got to see her underwear-

Samanosuke: "Wow, she actually has some butt..."

Guard: "What did you said sir?"

Samanosuke: "Nothing, I'd better get going too."-He then moves towards the woods-

Samanosuke enters really small woods and sees an open area in front of him. Just then, three creatures with blades on their hands and three flashy green eyes had jumped from no where and stayed in front or him. As he examined them closely, he noticed that one of them had Princess Yuki with it. She had a light blue kimono on with her long hair tied behind her back. She was out cold.

Samanosuke: "Princess!"-He exclaims as he draws his sword-

He then tries to fight the monsters off, but his sword isn't working on them. Suddenly, a strange man in the samurai's outfit, but different then Samanosuke appears with a big hammer.

Jubei: "Let me give you a hand..."-He then smashes his hammer into the earth and small quakes makes all monsters around him go up in the air and disappear, as for Samanosuke, he falls to the ground-

Samanosuke: "Who do you think you are?"

Jubei: "I'm Jubei Yagyu, the young chief of Yagyu clan. Who are you?"

Samanosuke: "I'm Samanosuke Akechi, nephew of Matsuhide Akechi..."

The introduction was cut short as Ioshi appeared and started to yell at Jubei.

Ioshi: "Jubei, this is Onimusha first not second! You should not make your appearance for the next ten years according to the story!"

Jubei: "But what do I have to do in mean time? I was bored!"

Ioshi: "Go look for Oyu?"

Jubei: "Oh great idea..."-wanders off to look for her and Ioshi disappears then-

Samanosuke was in a shock for few moments, but then runs over to Yuki and lifts her up in his arms.

Samanosuke: "Princess Yuki, your highness?!" –He then gets slapped by awakened Yuki-

Samanosuke: "What was that for!?"

Yuki: "For two things...Coming here so late and for being such a pervert! I didn't miss you a bit since you left the Inabayama castle and I was hoping I will not see you again, but recent events made me call you here and I regret it now!"

Samanosuke: "Yuki, this is not what you supposed to say! Huh?"-He hears ground shaking again and trembling as if something big is coming under the ground-

Samanosuke: "Jubei, is that you again?"

However, instead of Jubei, a huge monster appeared from under the ground and crushed the turret.

Oskric: "Run you worthless bug!"

SW: Ok, that's all for now people, I tried my best to keep that in story format, but I don't know how it will turn out to be. And Bron, why had you peed on the script?

Bron: Because I stayed up for 48 hours and played a really cool Role Play Game without going to the bathroom.

SW: Figures...Ok, I hope that Mitty will find a script and we will be able to correct the actors for their mistakes.

Everyone: Sweat Droops and Anime Falls


End file.
